this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
