I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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