Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize