you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
