My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
