my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
