At least make sure they are 18
Why
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
