I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
