I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
its liver damage thursday
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
