did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
