You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize