i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize