how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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