I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
