He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
