drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize