Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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