her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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