my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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