I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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