My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
okay pat passed out under dana's car
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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