k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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