I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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