His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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