bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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