Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
