cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
