he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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