Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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