My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
