I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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