i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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