Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
