I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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