My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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