**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
