Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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