Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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