He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
