you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
