I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
