We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
