so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize