So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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