I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
