worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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