I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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