Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
