my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
