I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
