My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
