He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
