we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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