i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
