yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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