i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
