I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
