do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
