There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
