And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
