Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
