My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this will be a night to untag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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