I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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