Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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