Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
