Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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