I think my vagina is haunted
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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