Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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