Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
