i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
