i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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