i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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