Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize