i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize