Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
