I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
