You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
